Dating a crazy woman
Some of you may be thinking, “ha, isn’t that every woman?*Gives a nearby Bro a high five*” No, it’s not , and then you have the type of girls who will remove your dick with a blunt object and make a California Roll out of it.
Let’s take a stroll down Crazy Lane and discuss some tell-tale signs that you’re dating a bona fide Lorena Bobbitt.
Marriage Discussing marriage with someone you’re dating is a pretty standard practice.
Social Media/Phone This category encompasses a lot, so bear with me. Next to these jealous bones you may find a few insecure bones as well. If she at any point has hacked into your phone or social media accounts without knowing your passwords, not only is she incredibly tech-savvy, she’s a nut job. I will note if she’s super drunk on tequila, then you can possibly forgive her—that’s at your own discretion though. If she doesn’t “let you” have female friends, especially ones you’ve known for years, she’s missing a link.
If you’ve discussed giving each other the right to completely invade the other’s privacy, then fine—but if she takes it upon herself, that’s not a girl you want to bring home to mommy. If you’re at work, a funeral, a family gathering, or even just out with your boys shooting the shit and she starts texting in ALL CAPS, calling you an asshole for not answering and threatening to jump off a bridge, that’s when you know it’s scary. If she doesn’t get along with your female friends, that speaks volumes about her character and lastly, if she has ever threatened your female friends to leave you alone—kick her to the curb.
For some reason, people like to tell me their private situations and scenarios.
I don’t mind, often, I’ll try to send some helpful advice their way if I can figure something out.I often call these girls “projectors,” for the obvious reason that they project a future for themselves that doesn’t exist (you can also call them delusional, that works too). It just comes with the territory of being a heterosexual male.As a subscript of this category, I’m going to add this: if she mentions wanting to have your children in a way that’s entirely not a joke (meaning if her eyes start twitching and a tear runs down her cheek)—sprint in the opposite direction and make sure there’s no holes in any of your condoms. You’re going to have to deal with the repercussions of liking vagina. However, if the girl you’re with takes these simple jealousies and insecurities and turns them into DEFCON 1, then needless to say you have a problem.Just be aware of the crazy eyes because the eyes are window to their soul.3) Her Appearance Is Seasonal – If she’s constantly making drastic changes in her appearance, take this information, remember it and run.She said she hates going to a certain restaurant the first time you two met and you didn’t remember so now she’s threatening to jump out of the moving car…this woman is crazy. Notice when the fuse is short and the lighter is always ready because you don’t want to date a ticking time bomb.