Dealing with dating a widower
He or she is also letting go of the past.” “Tread lightly and follow their lead.If he or she feels comfortable talking about their deceased partner then you should feel free to ask questions or make comments. You should not compare yourself to the departed spouse. One has to remember, that a widowed person did not end the relationship because he/she wanted to – it was taken from them, and in this way is very different from that of a divorce.” Starting a completely new path in one’s life is a big decision and would cause emotional upheaval for anyone, no matter the situation.
Not all comparisons are bad; they are simply an acknowledgement that something is different than something else.
Most widow(er)s probably wouldn’t expect or want for you to be just like their late spouse, so there’s little use in wondering if you’ll “measure up”.
As a follow-up to our article, here are more thoughts on navigating the often tricky waters of dating someone who is beginning to date after grieving the untimely loss of their partner or spouse – from Members of our own Widow/Widowers community here on e Harmony Advice, in their own words.
As you’ll see from the passages below, everyone’s reaction to their circumstance, opinions and experiences are going to be different, so it’s important to keep in mind the specific needs of your match as you progress.
No one else can tell you what you are feeling, so only by being in touch with your own emotions can you know if you’re ready.
Everyone mourns differently, so widows/widowers must be careful not to let other people dictate the speed of their recovery.”“Too many variables to say what is right for anyone the old year thing is probably wise as a minimum. I didn’t quite make the 1 year wait to date thing…and I made a mess, I think I will use 5 years to remarry as a minimum.“This is variable, and having been married to a widower, been widowed and later marrying another widower as well as encountering several men on the widow/widower board, I have noticed that men seem to be ready earlier than women.
The key is that every person is different, and you should take the widow/widower’s word that she/he is ready to date.” There is no specific time range that works for everyone.
Some people may be ready after 6 months, while others may feel ready after 5 years.
Be yourself and try to create your own unique and fulfilling relationship.
What are important things to keep in mind when dating a widow/widower?
The widow(er) will make this decision for themselves, but the important thing is that you are about to discuss, respect and be comfortable with the amount of time they’ll need.